Written by Ross

When I was in High School I wrote a story for the school magazine. It was sort of a love story but since it was 11 years ago, the story's details are a little hazy. What I do remember about it is the positive reaction from the girls from the other school. That event actually made me believe that I was a good writer and it gave me confidence that I can make it a career.

Around the same time, I made a bet with a classmate that I'd get published in The Philippine Daily Inquirer's Youngblood section before he does. Neither of us had even sent an entry to this date.

A few years after High School, I tried to apply as a contributor for The Philippine Daily Inquirer's 2bU section. I wasn't accepted. At one point, I thought that I can be a writer for a magazine. I didn't even get the chance to apply because I couldn't find any openings.

An opportunity presented itself one day when my College friend who worked for The Philippine Star needed an article and I happened to be available. It was my first paid article. Since then, I've been getting assignments for Star every now and then. It wasn't enough to quit my day job but I'm just happy that my writings were getting printed.

This boosted my ego and I changed my goal. My goal was to win a Carlos Palanca Award. I thought that if I'm going to be a successful writer, an award would make my market value rise. So I aimed for a Palanca award. Problem is that I haven't attempted to write an entry.

But a conversation I had earlier would hopefully change my mind and give me the needed motivation to write. I have an officemate who is just 19 years old and she has been runner-up for the Carlos Palanca Kabataan Awards more than once. She's 7 years younger than I and I haven't even sent an entry. This is will be the catalyst for my nth quarter-life crisis.

Dreams

I remember the time when Air Supply released More Than Words and it was a big hit. All of my classmates started picking up guitars and it came to a point when every other person would be able to play it. Most would only be able to play the intro but it didn't matter.


Shortly after that, grunge started to pick up. And then came the whole pinoy rock revolution. All of a sudden, bands were getting played on air. I remember listening to LA 105.9 "The Rock of the World" where they would play virtually unknown bands. I even have a black shirt with an anarchy symbol on it and some fake Chuck Taylors cause I can't afford the originals. It was also the time when I was given a guitar. And it sparked in me every one's dream of being part of a band.

I studied and played and practiced until my fingers couldn't take it anymore. And as days became weeks then became months, it was clear that I had no future in the music industry and that the closest I'll be to being part of a band was if I joined a noon time show contest where I'll play farting noises from my armpits.

But though I've accepted that I'll never be in any way be part of a band people would actually want to listen to, there's still that part of me wishing for that life. Even after I've sworn off trying to play or even trying to write a song or even just trying to write lyrics, I will still want to be part of a band.

Which brings me to another point. It may be in people's nature to want what they don't have and in my case the band is not only what I wish for. I have lots of wishes which I never do something about. I brought this up because I've recently found the Philippine Blog Awards website. And I got the same feeling I had when I heard about the Philippine Web Awards and even the prestigious Palanca Awards, I wanted to win. It may be for validation and it may be for vanity but regardless of the reason behind it, I really wanted to win.

But we all know this will just be one of those things I will list in my Procratinators log. So instead, I want to wish good luck to all Philippine Blog Award Nominees and may all your blogs go unread for weeks.

Kicking the Habit

It's been 48 hours since my last cigarette. And it feels great. I've been smoking for more than 10 years and I've decided that I need to take care of my health. Have me run 50 meters and I'll be laying on the road for an hour catching my breathe. Have me run 2 flights of stairs and I'll fall asleep out of exhaustion. Yes, I need a lot of work but that's what I want to take care of by quitting this crazy habit of mine.

I've also been keeping track of my expenses and it turns out that since Dec 2006, I've spent P8,000 in cigarettes. That's a little less than P16 each day for more than 500 days.

The real test however is when I go back to work or when I drink with friends. But I'll think about that when the time comes.

Blog Makeover Done

All right. So I made some changes but nothing too drastic. The new look, well it looks gay. No offense meant to gay people but there's no other word to describe it as effectively. Oh well... This'll be probably the last time I write about the changes I make. I didn't get to find a cool counter. The current one will suffice.

I can't seem to find the option to change the signature on the posts. Hmm... I've been looking for that option for months now.

Blog Makeover

This blog needs a makeover. The layout is bland. It's like I'm reading a newspaper. Now that I'm not going to work for a few days, I may just have time to actually improve my blog.

I need a checklist:

• I need a logo.
• The header needs some design.
• The things in the side need updating.
• I need to find a cooler counter.

Checklist done. Now I can sleep and worry about sticking to the checklist when I wake up. I'm probably the best procrastinator ever.

My 500-Peso Challenge Conclusion

It was very disappointing. The very next day, I had to pay for the laundry and the disconnection notice arrived for Meralco. My 500-Peso Challenge was finished even before I left the condo.

Which answers the main question brought by this challenge, how far will P500 get me? The answer is not far at all.

My 500-Peso Challenge

I was walking home last night and a thought suddenly hit me. I've been talking about the hardships of life and all that; why don't I find out what I can do about it. So I've decided to take a 500-Peso Chllenge. How far will my P500 actually let me go?

Here are my expenses thus far.
P12 for the train fare (I walked to the train station because I'm too stingy to take a tricycle)
P24 for food bought from a lugawan I found in Cubao
P20 for the bus fare gong to Makati
P8 for 4 sticks of cigarettes (4 sticks is a real sacrifice for me)
P53 for food bought from a Jolly Jeep
Which totals P117.

But I still need to go home and I need food before I sleep. Turns out this challenge is not very exciting and it'll probably end soon. But let's see. At this rate, P500 is probably going to last less than 3 days.

Tomorrow, I may take the jeep instead which saves me P4.50 each way. Then I'll also try to lessen the number of cigarettes by, ummm..., 1.

Where Ateneo Failed

After my last post, I was still thinking about what I wrote. A friend was also going through a quarter-life crisis-ish episode and my conversation wth her help me piece things together.

What I believe as the root cause of all this is the Ateneo. I mean, from Grade School we were pampered and spoonfed and put up on a pedestal. We were taught to pity the poor, help the needy, be a Man for Others. There was not a heads up that if we weren't careful, we' be the ones to be pitied and to be helped. No one in the many teachers I had told me that life is hard and in order to live I have to work hard. I'm learning this now, 10 years after High School. I know there really isn't a guidebook for life but it wouldn't hurt give a little advice. All the while I was under the impression that everything we read about or everything that we see in the outreach projects is always going to be different from what we will have or experience. I thought that we were shielded from these and that as always, after a couple of hours of tutoring Tulong Dunong children, we'd head on back to our comfortable houses with our dinners waiting for us.

Back then, if we ran short of money, we'd run to our parents and ask and we'd receive. We'd ask for money for make-believe projects or imaginary books and we won't even have to ask a second time. If my allowance went faster than expected, all I needed to do ws to wait until I got home and I can eat whatever I want. Now, I have to make sure my salary lasts until the next pay day. There's no one to run to if it doesn't. I have to find alternative means of income to make ends meet. Now I have to learn everything through experience just like everyone else.

Comedy or tragedy

When I was in High School, I had this vision that after I graduated college, I'd get a high-paying job, I'd be able to buy anything I want, I'd be driving a Mercedes Benz or a BMW, I'd go home to my own house, I'd have a beautiful wife and have smart, responsible and beautiful children.

None of that is close to coming true. I've maxed out my credit cards, I'm striving to make my salary fit, I ride public transport, I go home to a rented condominium unit I really can't afford and the last time I had a meaningful relationship, I let her go. This couldn't be further from what I thought my future would be. You here of people encounter a crossroads in their lives and that decision made the difference for them. I keep thinking where that crossroad was in my life. When was it that I had to make a decision which brought me down this very miserable path?

My life looks like it was a tragedy waiting to happen. There wasn't a conscious effort for it to be so. It was just that I was bound to fail. Or maybe, the crossroad I was looking for hasn't come and that everything will turn out all right in the end.

My First One Million Pesos

I recently found a blog titled My First One Million Pesos. I have to admit, the title got my attention and the thought of following this guy's ups and downs while he was on his journey to get the 1st Million excited me. I felt that I was given the chance to watch this guy go from start to finish.

Except that while I read his blog, I was actually disappointed. The writing was as exciting to read as a textbook. The blog contained a lot of tips for saving and stuff but I never read any of his plans on how he was going to be able to get the 1st Million. I think he has plans of saving for his 1st Million from his salary. Bro, it's like watching water boil!

I plan on giving him a month and if I can't stand his writing, I'll go for my 1st Million just to outdo him.

Alas...

I guess there really is no such thing as a free lunch. The neighbor with an unsecured wireless connection found out about it and created a password. Too bad. But the week I had it for was a blast. I was able to play poker freerolls for hours on end. I updated my blogs and I was able to check my email. And I haven't done these for the longest time.

I'm actually thinking of subscribing to an ISP. May be after I get around to the year long goal of getting an SSS ID and renewing my 2 month expired driver's license. I'll just put that thought into my procrastinator's To Do list.

A "Big Yellow Taxi" Realization

It really does always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

This morning I saw an ex-girlfriend online. She really was a loss. I've made some mistakes which I would undo if I had the chance. But the fact remains that she has moved on. Funny thing was that when I realized that I want her back, it was too late because it was the same day that she told me she was dating someone else. Yes it took me a very long time to realize it and she gave me as much time as she could. What more could I ask for.

I'm hoping I won't make the same mistake when I'm faced with this scenario. But I'm really hoping that still loves me and she'll come home.

Taxi Drivers

I was at Giligan's Island earlier with some friends for a few drinks. When it was time to go home, we went to the place where the taxis were waiting and my friend rode the first one in line while I entered the 2nd one. The first taxi wouldn't leave an our taxi was just waiting there, waiting for them. My friend got off which was probably because the driver didn't want to go to Manila. I hopped off so my friend can ride the taxi I was in. I got into the 1st taxi and when I mentioned that we're to go to Katipunan, the taxi driver refused and said something about the price of gas being to expensive. I opened the door and while I was on my way out, I said that if he's going to keep refusing passengers he won't get to earn. Then I slammed the door shut as hard as I can. This irritated the driver but he didn't have time to react because I was already boarding the taxi that just happened to be passing by. The driver of the taxi I was on stopped probably because he saw the first driver getting out of the vehicle. I assumed that because he didn't know what was going on, he really didn't want anything to do with it. He refused to move so I had to again get off the taxi. While I was outside, I heard the first taxi driver say something along the lines of, "You slam the door like you don't have any education. Do you have money to pay for it if you broke it?" I didn't hear anything else he had to say because I was already inside the 4th taxi for that evening. The 4th taxi driver asked me what it was all about and I just said that no one wants to bring me to my destination. He asked me if I could add a little more to the fare and I said yes. I could've refused but at that point, my blood was boiling and I wanted to leave the place before do something I'll regret.

My point is this. We all work for a living. I work in a call center and we never release a caller just because the caller is angry or stupid or if the problem is hard or for any reason other than if the caller is verbally abusive. And even then we will warn the caller before we actually release the call. Salespeople shouldn't refuse to assist a potential buyer. Firemen shouldn't refuse to put out fires. Teachers shouldn't refuse to teach a student. Waiters shouldn't refuse to serve diners. We all do our part. Taxi drivers shouldn't be any different. It is understandable that gas prices are expensive but it still doesn't change the fact that they're job, their primary function, is to drive people to where they want to go. I feel that my salary won't make me rich. Which is why I try to find other means to supplement my income. Jeepney drivers and bus drivers also have to deal with gas prices but they don't choose their passengers nor do they ask for their passengers to add more to the fare.

The taxi driver caught me at a very bad time when I was real tired of taxi drivers choosing passengers. If I had less restraint and money to pay for it, I would've destroyed his door completely.

From this day on, I vow to never get off a taxi until he has brought me to my destination. And if by chance I find a taxi driver who doesn't cooperate or a driver who is abusive, I will get my phone, record it and post it in this blog. May all taxi drivers who choose passengers be held up and stabbed as many times as the passengers they refused.

Bb. Pilipinas World - Janina San Miguel

Janina San Miguel's answer was a classic. It brought new meaning to the word, incoherence. I've heard grade schoolers enunciate better than she does. Bb. Pilipinas people are going to need major PR work on her for the country to back her up when it comes to the Miss World pageant.

What I don't understand is how could she have won. Being up on stage is no joke and the pressure definitely got the better of her. But the fact is that it's just going to be bigger. The Bb. Pilipinas was viewed by the whole country. The Miss World will be seen by everyone. She may have potential but she wasn't able to deliver. And we need someone who can deliver.

However, she's already won and no one can do anything about it so the best thing to do right now is support her. And if we can't do that, next best thing is to not lambaste her more than we already have.

Free Internet

It's been a long time since I've had the chance to write and part of it is because I don't have internet connection. Not that I can't afford to have one (the fact that I really can't is beside the point), but as I live alone, I really wouldn't be able to maximize using it. I'm usually out of the condo anyway; and when I'm here, I'm usually just sleeping.

But then God probably took pity and saw me watching the same DVD's over and over again and decided that He's not going to teach my new neighbor how to set up their wireless router security. Now I can blog anytime. It's been on for several days now. I hope they don't catch on.

Starting Anew...

I've always been updating my Poker Blog but I've never gotten around to updating this one. From now on, I'll write here as well. This will be my Non-Poker Blog where I will write about anything and everything.

But first I'll give an update on my last post. I said in my last post that I will be aiming to be google-able. And I was able to do it! See http://finaltabledonkey.blogspot.com/2007/12/i-am-google-able.html

Cool!

Google it

Last year I started to make some goals.

• Write a song
• Write/Illustrate a book
• Enter the Palanca Awards
• Buy land
• Buy a car

None of it came true. (Not that I didn't try.)

Now I have a new goal in life. In a year, my name can be googled.

I won't stoop to making a website just to have my name appear on the results. It has to be legit. Wish me luck.